Thoughts Of An Insomniac

Need to vent. Some of my 'friends' are ignoring me and I don't even know why. Annoys me If they're being so immature then they're not really friends. Makes me so angry that they don't even say if I've annoyed them...They just chose to act like 5 year olds and ignore me...Actualy even 5 year olds have the decency to tell each other when they've done 'something wrong'

Those annoying little 'butterflies' are back...Well I say butterflies...They're more like elephants But I can't tell her how I feel. She'd freak out and then it'd ruin things. I can't fuck up another friendship...Not again. Oh well guess things will be kept to myself for a while longer till I get over it

Not looking forward to 6th form tomorrow. I fancy just staying home and doing all my artwork for thursday...But I know that's not going to happen Guess it'll all be done with soon enough though...I've just got to put up with it all for a few more months then I can do something completely different

Wow...Three posts in one day I feel quite proud!

Ever since I saw Indianna Jones when I was little I've been afraid of walking on bridges.
I love to write but whenever I have the urge to do it I have no inspiration.
I'd feel lost without music.
I know I've got 'anger problems' but I purposely choose to do nothing about that.
When I was little I used to be afraid that Dracula would fly into my room whilst I was asleep and suck out all my blood.
Most of the time I know that something I'm planning on doing is stupid and will hurt people...But I do it anyway.
I never learn from my 'mistakes'.
Most of the time I fear that I'm going to be alone forever.
I have a 'grudge' against religions.
Scroungers piss me off more than most stuff.
Whenever someone 'compliments' me I don't believe them.
When I was about 8, me and Mercedes watched Scream and ever since I've had a fear that everytime I'm alone in the house when it's dark someone will be hiding somewhere dressed in the Scream costume.
I can't look in the mirror without wanting to smash it.
I read into things way too much.
I love the smell of petrol.
When I'm pissed off the only things that can cheer me up are violence and arguments.
I hate stupid people.
I talk to myself sometimes.....
....I think it keeps me sane.
I act like a brat to get what I want.
I get jealous easily.
I don't think I'll ever 'come out of my shell'.
I think I should laugh more.
I like sneezing.
I'm a hypocrite.
For the past year I've been holding onto pathetic grudges and I've realised I need to either: a) Get even...or...b) Forget it.
Lyrics to songs mean too much to me.
Music is one of my ways of coping with anything shit that happens to me.
I don't think I'd be happy if my life didn't involve arguments/conflict.
I think I'm too sheltered.
I hate how I feel like my parents are ashamed of me.
I hardly ever clean my room...Sometimes it gets so bad that you can hardly see the floor.
I love going to gigs.
I want more tattoos...I only have one and I'm already addicted.
I wish my lip was pierced in a different place.
I have loads of dreams but do hardly anything to make them happen.
I feel like I'm a burden to people sometimes.
When I was little I had a pillow fight with my cousin whilst she was babysitting me and my brother and I hit my head on the corner of the fireplace....I still have the dent next to my left eye.
I realised a few months ago that I really want to become a tattoo artist....
....But if I want this bad enough I know I need to become more confident.
I want to learn a different language.
I get freaked out when people come on too strong.
Cookies make me happy.
I resent the fact that my parents never forced me to have piano lessons as a child.
I've got a scar on my wrist where I thought it would be cool to carve an X.
I'll always remember going to watch the Leicester Tigers and falling off my chair and hitting my head on the concrete steps.
Me and Sejal want David Beckham to buy us an island....
....Last year I drew a picture of this island on paint for her.
I wish I was more creative.
I hate how I look yet I always take pictures of myself.
I'm annoyed it's taking this long to do this.
Sometimes I smile and say I'm fine to make people shut up.
In the past year I've become even more of a bitch.
I consider myself to be quite affectionate.
I don't think I'll ever have kids.
I like walking around alone, just listening to my ipod when it's dark and cold outside.
I love sitting/walking in the rain.
I can't hold a conversation.
I hate being stuck in traffic.
Sometimes I wish that I was better at playing guitar.
Milkshake and cookies will forever remind me of Kareena.
I miss Blink 182....
....I cried when they split up.
I hate those moments where you feel helpless.
I love it when people buy me things.
I wish my eyes were green.
I can never make up my mind.
I try not to regret things because at the time everything I've done has been for a reason.
I don't know where I would be without the friends I love.
Sometimes I get carried away with things.
I get moments where I constantly worry about what people think about me....
....And then I get moments where I really couldn't give a fuck.
I'm selfish.
I think sometimes I can be too hard on myself.
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.
I find it difficult to let people in.
I'm finding it hard to think of things about myself.
I've wanted a lizard for over a year.
Little things can set me off.
A lot of the time being drunk makes me horny.
I feel that if I chose to do an apprenticeship I will fail at it then I will have missed out on getting any qualifications.
I have days off of 6th form because I just can't be bothered to go in.
When I feel upset I listen to sad songs....
....This just makes me more upset.
I wish that I was funny.
I throw tantrums still.
I sometimes wish that I helped people more.
I never want to feel the pain of childbirth.
I feel like running away sometimes.
I love American, Canadian and Finnish accents.
It annoys me when someone talks to me whilst I'm trying to read.
I wish that I had a better ipod.
What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.
I've always had the urge to try Heroin.
I think one day I'll be homeless....
.....Or in prison.
I loathe authority.
I hate doing what I'm told to.
I don't even think I know who I am anymore.
The older I get, The more I don't understand people.

Bad mood today. Don't know why really. Well I do...But it's not for one specific reason...I'm just being mardy about everything You know when you've been aching for sleep for sooooo long and then when you do sleep you just never want to wake up...It's like that. I wish I didn't have to wake up because then I wouldn't feel shit about everything. It's not even like I have reasons to feel shit about most stuff I just do and it kills me because I feel like I'm being such a whiny git but I can't stop it or even control it

Like last night I was talking to a friend and they were in such a good mood and it made me want to punch them in the face I'm jealous that people can be happy without even trying. I try to be happy but it just doesn't work. Bollocks to all that stuff in the news about exercise...That just doesn't help for me. Yeah I feel healthier and crap but I still don't feel happier. It's like I'm living in a giant bubble and the only one making me miserable is myself. That's the thing I need to change...But no matter how hard I try I can't

I have days where I just think "What's the point anymore?" and it's all getting to the point where I need to do something soon before I do something completely stupid Yesterday morning I woke up feeling shit and then when I went into the bathroom I just broke down I sat in the corner of the room shaking and crying my eyes out....I don't want to be like that anymore. I need something/someone to help me