Thoughts Of An Insomniac

Had a great day today

Bean brought me a Red Power Ranger action figure! It's seriously such an amazing present! Tashbash got me a really cute silver ankh necklace because she knows I love the 69 eyes and their 'symbol' is an ankh...I love it Mutti got me Mighty Boosh series 3! And I got a pretty cool jacket from my brother and his girlfriend

Got 'birthday beats' from James and Kate...at the same time...and on both my arms....That was fun James bit my ear aswell which made me laugh.
Overall had a really good birthday

My birthday tomorrow *happy dances* I'm actually excited...But I'm not too sure why because after all it's just another day...A day that I happen to have been born on 17 years ago Oh well.

Kanye west is on and I've really got the urge to dance but I'm restraining myself because I'll fall off the chair again...Yes...Again

I've been in a cheerful mood today, which makes a change. I like it

There's a massive spider in my room.
I don't know where it's gone.
I'm petrified.
It hurts to breathe.

I realised something today. I'm too paranoid for my own good I think too much and then become paranoid about everything and then this just makes me feel sorry for myself...And when I feel sorry for myself I moan about how no-one cares (and stupid stuff like that) to my best friends. Now I just think that they've gotten fed up of me doing that and are just annoyed with me...But hey...That could just be my paranoid side kicking in again

Didn't mean to do it again I just saw one of my cures blades and caved. I forgot how good it feels. It just takes everything away for that minute and I forget about everything. I've just gotten into the habit of 'punishing' myself for feeling like this.
I'm actually considering booking a doctors appointment soon to see if there's anything they can do to stop me from feeling like this

Got up uberly early this morning Had to be in town for 7:30am...but it was all worth it. We got our bands for the Paramore signing *dances* It's made me really happy...yay I get to meet the sexy beast that is Hayley Williams

Went Gregs for our breakfast Was great! Not very breakfast like but still great Had a yummy cheese and onion pasty and then a smarties milkshake from Shake-It-Baby They make the best milkshakes ever!

Am sooo stoked to go see New Found Glory and Paramore tonight...Just makes it all more amazing that I get to meet Paramore *dances again*

Best mood I've been in for ages...and I love it

Ever have the feeling that you're not wanted anymore? Well I've been feeling a lot like that lately It's mainly stupid things but I can't help but keep thinking the few people I care about just don't care anymore. I know I'm being all pathetic once again but I just don't know

I can even seem to speak about it to the people that are 'close' to me. It just feels like last year all over again. I'm pushing people away....I know I am, but it's only because they don't seem to give a fuck anymore I guess it's my way of protecting myself...It's what I did last time but to be honest I fucked up majorly and didn't exactly do a great job of protecting myself from anything

They probably do give a fuck and I'm just sat here moaning, upset about nothing. I just can't help it though. I think there's just something inside me that constantly wants to kill any happiness I have

At least one good thing has come out of my thriving on my own unhappiness. I've wrote a whole bunch of new songs, and I actually like almost all of them

Hope everyone is good