Once again I feel pretty down. It's been happening a lot lately. I went to see the doctor the other day about it and he just said it was down to my Bi-polar. It really does suck 
I hate feeling like shit yet I can't help it 
I was talking to one of my close mates yesterday and she tried to get me to tell her what was wrong, but the thing is I can't. It didn't feel right telling her about everything that's going on in my head. I doubt she'd judge me for anything I would've said but I don't know, I guess that I'm so used to not talking to her about anything that when the time came and I actually needed to talk, I couldn't do it 
It kind of upsets me that I can't talk to any of my friends. It's like I think they'll judge me for feeling like this. I know they probably couldn't help it, but I don't know, I'm not comfortable telling them things 
I don't even really feel comfortable being in a group with them any more. I love them, don't get me wrong, but it's like whenever we're all together it just feels akward, like they're all having a laugh and I'm the one who's trying to join in but is being left out I just don't feel part of the group anymore. I'm always trying to join in with everyone but I always end up being singled out and pushed away. I don't think they do it intentionally but it still hurts
I know I'm over-dramatic a lot of the time, and I know I moan about a lot of stuff, but I can't help it I try to be happy all the time, I honestly do, but there's just a big empty space inside of me and I don't know what it is that is missing 
05/08/07 @ 12:54