Thoughts Of An Insomniac

I've come to the decision that there are only two things I want to do in life and they are to play in a band and to write

Last night seeing The 69 Eyes made me realise that I deffinatly want to perform. Having people travel from different parts of the country just to see you play...that would be so amazing And to perform to people and to know that you've probably made them extremely happy would give me such a buzz
To tour the world aswell, doing something you love would be great.
I love music so much, too much some people would say but nevermind It's mainly what I think about. Yeah sometimes other stuff enters my tiny brain but not often. It's mainly full of music stuff I can't help it.

I'd also love to write. I love writting I could sit here for hours on end writting about nothing.
The best job I could imagine would be to review gigs for kerrang or something like that. Music and Writting rolled into one......Perfect!!!!

The 69 Eyes were AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!
No gig can EVER compare!!!!!! No matter how much I like other bands they will never beat The 69 Eyes!!!!!!!!!

I met JYRKI 69!!!!!! He's so nice!!! Got my photo took with him and he gave me a hug and a cd He's proper lovely!!!!!!

They played almost all of my favourite songs and they played quite a bit off of their new album

I actually LOVE them even MORE than I did......If that's even possible.

Yes, this blog is a bit pointless
but oh well
Seeing the 69 eyes tomorrow
I actually can't wait
They're like my favourite band

7 facts about me

1. I have a scar from where I gave myself a 'tattoo'
2. I panic when I'm trapped in a small space
3. I don't really get along with either of my parents
4. I constantly listen to music
5. My hair's been dyed about 7 different colours within the past year
6. I tried to kill myself when I was 14
7. I don't like being told what to do by people in authority

I tag... hayleygeek, TheJinxy, sweetymon, ebonyrose666, pamster, Menley, beautiful_mistake
(You've all probably been tagged already)

Here are the rules:
Each person tagged qives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan to tag a note in their comments so they know they have been tagged and to read your blog.

I spoke to Chris again today
I miss him
Why can't I move on
It's like everything's broken and I can't fix it
Sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and die
Why can't I stop this insufferable pain I cause for myself
Why

Well the guys have asked me to write some new material for the band, but I can't seem to be inspired by anything I'm finding it extremely hard to think of things to write. I mean normally I can write something off the top of my head and we just edit it all together but I don't know....I've seemed to have just lost that 'talent'

I mean it's not like I don't want to write new material, I just can't I've tried and no ideas come to mind. It's getting me stressed. I shouldn't be worrying too much about it but I am I mean what if I can never write like I used to again I'd hate that. It'd crush me to be honest....as pathetic as that sounds

Day= Saturday
Mood=

Why can't I say no to people I always get talked into doing stuff I don't want to do, I have no will power at all. Maybe that's why I feel the need to control myself in other ways. I honestly don't know anything about why I do things anymore

I hate the way people take advantage of me because I don't say no What's worse is I know they're doing it and still I can't build up the courage to stop them.
I'm a weak pathetic excuse for a human being

I wish for once in my life I had the courage to say no. No matter how hard I try it just never seems to happen Whenever someone asks me to do something I'll do it whether I want to or not. I constantly have this need to please people even if it makes me feel like shit. I just feel like people only 'like' me because I will do what they want because I hate letting people down And some people constantly try to make me feel guilty if I don't do something. Maybe that's why I have the need to please people....I don't really know

I just wish I wasn't so pathetic.

Finally after months of debating if it was worth it or not, I've joined a gym I went last night (thursday) and it was actually really good I felt so pumped when I came out. I didn't feel knackered at all....maybe I wasn't doing enough. But I did stay for like 2 hours
I've also decided that seeing as I've joined a gym I'm going to go on a drastic health kick. I need to lose weight because if I don't I'll be really unhealthy
I've drank water for all of today, which I'm extremely proud of because I hardly ever drink water, and I've decided that I no longer like food because it's boring and I don't really like most stuff anyway. So chewwie and water it is for me!
Going to the gym tomorrow after town with Lou I actually really like the gym...never thought I'd be saying that

I got a gigantic lecture today for not eating anything It wasn't the most fantastic thing of my day tbh. Ash said I'd let him down by slipping and not eating anything again
I don't want to upset him because I know what he went through last time this happened, but I like not eating. I guess I must be pretty fucked up then

Hope everyone's had a good day

Why is it that people you love and feel comfortable with are the hardest people to tell things to

I want to tell tash stuff but when I try to it doesn't come out or I just completely breakdown and look like a looney. I don't know what it is I trust tash and know that she'll be there for me no matter what but I just can't tell her

I feel like no one's there to talk to. I just feel like everyone's analysing every aspect of my life and judging me because I'm not good enough.